Suffering The Benz

Sitcom: The Monkees

Episode: The Christmas Show

Year: 1967

Story line: The boys teach a cynical lad the meaning of Christmas.

Details: Straight up, this sucked. Totally sucked. Not even mildly amusing. Lots of not-very-good slapstick and an extended slow motion sequence toward the end where you get the feeling they were out of ideas, had time to fill and used slow motion to make the most of it. There’s also an odd coda where the cast comes out and walks around on the set and then the Monkees sing a version of the 16th century Spanish carol Riu Chiu that’s actually pretty nice. In short, the Monkees get stuck baby-sitting a cynical little rich brat named Melvin. We learn that he’s been given everything … but love. I guess love is all you need. Where have we heard that before … One interesting aside: Melvin morphs into a computer in several spots, when he’s being particularly cold and heartless. Harkens back to the Beverly Hillbillies episode that Tivo mistakenly grabbed instead of the Christmas episode. I still find it interesting to note how freaked out people were by computers …

Killer quote: “Boy, this kid needs some lessons on Christmas.” Peter Tork after an encounter with Melvin. Yup. That’s the best quote I could glean from this mess, though there was one spot where the Monkees did a need vamp on the word “gay” in “Don we now our gay apparel.”

Ebenezer alert: Melvin, the precocious kid the Monkees are baby-sitting. Melvin, by the way, was played by Butch Patrick of Eddie Munster fame. I knew he looked familiar but didn’t realize who he was until the credits rolled.

Childhood memory: I have no recollection of this episode, but I loved the Monkees as a kid. I remember playing Monkees with my cousin John, strumming brooms in his basement and falling all over each other in slapstick bliss.

Sitcom Christmas Index

Sitcom: Sanford and Son

Episode: Ebenezer Sanford

Year: 1975

Story line: Fred dreams of the Spirt of Christmas Past.

Details: Very uneven but it definitely has its moments if for nothing else than Lamont’s powder blue leisure suit. Gotta love that. It’s upstaged only by Lamont appearing as the spirit of Christmas yet to come in a space suit. Bizarre. Truly bizarre. The show is a great vehicle for Redd Foxx’s one-liners but it’s kinda mushy in the middle. Fred moves from Scrooge to heart of gold, but it happens at Lamont’s expense, of course. The end is really strange with the cast gathered around as Redd Foxx does a watered-down Duke Ellington rendition of Mel Torme’s “The Christmas Song.”

Killer quote: “Ho Ho Ho. Go down to the oceanside and stand in the low tide until the high tide commits suicide.” Fred, responding to Aunt Esther’s “yuletide” greetings. That quote pretty much sums up how corny this is, but for some reason I still laughed out loud when I heard it.

Runner-up quote: “Who are you? The spirit of Liberace?” Fred, to Lamont who has appeared before him as the spirit of Christmas past.

The Aunt Esther factor: Esther: “You don’t upset me. I have the feeling of Christmas.”

Fred: “And the face of Halloween.”

Ebenezer alert: Fred, without a doubt.

Childhood memory: This is another show we watched frequently, but even as kids we knew it was massively corny and strange. It was worth it mostly for the trash talk between Fred and Esther and the strange assortment of characters who drifted through … Bubba, Fred’s buddy. Rollo, Lamont’s shady friend. Donna, Fred’s girlfriend.

Sitcom Christmas Index

Sitcom: The Andy Griffith Show

Episode: Christmas Story

Year: 1960

Story line: Andy and Barney give a Christmas party in jail.

Details: These were the early years, when Griffith was still playing Sheriff Taylor as a grinning bumpkin with a ton of common sense. It’s amazing to watch Andy empty the jail for Christmas (those were different times …) only to have to incarcerate Sam the Moonshiner when a local liquor distributor insists. Sheriff Taylor develops a cunning scheme to jail the moonshiner’s entire family so they can all celebrate Christmas together.

Killer quote: “No, by dog. There’s more than one way to pluck a buzzard.” Andy, when he comes up with a scheme to allow the moonshiner to celebrate Christmas with his family despite the dastardly machinations of Ben.

Runner-up quote: “Merry Christmas Barney Parney Poo.” Inscription on a Christmas card to Barney from his sweetheart.

Ebenezer alert: Ben the liquor distributor. He’s totally out to get Sam the Moonshiner for purely business reasons. He’s mean. Petty. Greedy. But deep down, he has a heart of gold and ends up distributing gifts at the jail house Christmas celebration.

Childhood memory: This has to be one of the best sitcoms of all time. Even now, more than 45 years later, its gentle humor still resonates. This episode aired two years before I was born, and I watched The Andy Griffith Show mostly in reruns as a child and loved it. But I didn’t have a clear recollection of this episode. Thanks, Tivo, for bringing it back to me.

Sitcom Christmas Index