Category: Sitcom Christmas

Sitcom: Three’s Company

Episode: Three’s Christmas

Year: 1977

Story line: The trio is invited to two Christmas parties.

Details: This one is a classic. It has the original cast, including Suzanne Somers as Chrissy and Norman Fell as Mr. Roper. Crap TV doesn’t get any better than this. This also is the episode where we learn that Chrissy’s real name is Christmas, making her full name Christmas Snow. Hmm. Anyway, Jack, Janet and Chrissy get invited to the Ropers on Christmas Day, but they really want to go to a party at the Stevens. The usual misfires, miscommunications and double dealing ensue. Turns out the Ropers were in the same boat and wanted to go to the Stevens party, too. In the end, everyone gets to go and we carry a sloshed Mr. Roper home. A good time is had by all. Those wacky kids.

Killer quote: “You chopped off my sprig, Scrooge.” Jack to Janet after she rips off the sprig of mistletoe that he had hanging from his forehead and that he was using as an excuse to to molest her and Chrissy.

Killer quote II: “Just put him under the tree. I’l unwrap him in the morning.” Mrs. Roper to Jack, who is carrying a drunken Mr. Roper home from the Stevens’ party.

Ebenezer alert: The easy pick here is Mr. Roper. He’s a world-class bore and a prick. He and his wife end up coming home early from her sister’s on Christmas because Roper can’t get along with his brother-in-law (apparently, he did something heinous in the guy’s fish tank). And he’s always suspicious that Jack isn’t gay and shouldn’t be living in an apartment with two babes. To clinch it, he pulls out a trombone that is truly Ebenezer-fied.

Childhood memory: This show was truly titillating (heh heh I said titillating). The whole idea of a guy living with two women in 1977 was somewhat risque (damn, times have changed) and while this schtick got old after about 1.5 episodes, it still was somewhat groundbreaking, if for no other reason that to watch Suzanne Somers in her prime. I don’t recall this episode, but I did watch this pretty regularly during the first couple of seasons.

Sitcom Christmas Index

Sitcom: Green Acres

Episode: An Old-Fashioned Christmas

Year: 1966

Story line: A law forbids Oliver from chopping down a Christmas tree.

Details: We open with a flashback to Christmas “several years ago” in New York City. Oliver is appalled that all they can find are fake trees, and he pines for an old-fashioned Christmas where farmers cut down a real tree and decorate it with popcorn. Now to the present, where Oliver has his farm, but it appears Hooterville has lost the Old-Fashioned Christmas, too. It’s 81 degrees. Mr. Haney is selling transistor neckties. Mr. Drucker is peddling fake trees with imitation sap, spruce juice and fake needles that will “clog your vacuum better than the real ones.” Unimpressed, Oliver decides to cut his own tree, but he has to see Hank Kimball, the county agent, to get a permit first. Meanwhile, Fred Ziffel has put up his fake tree, and Mrs. Ziffel is underwhelmed. She wants little Arnold (the pig) to see a real tree, which he’s never seen in his three years on this planet. So it’s off to the Douglas residence, where the real tree actually looks pretty good and the entire gang gathers. This is a great episode in that it pulls together all of the regulars (except Alf and Ralph, the carpenters). But then Mrs. Douglas’ fruit cake comes out of the oven (above, left), scaring off everyone except her and Oliver. We close with snow falling in front of the window, and as the camera pans out, we see Mr. Haney sitting on the roof with a bag of soap flakes sprinkling fake snow into Oliver’s old-fashioned Christmas.

A Gabor Christmas: We bumped into Zsa Zsa when we celebrated Christmas over at Pee-wee’s Playhouse. Now we get Eva’s take on the holiday. And it’s unique.

Killer quote: “If anyone says your tie’s too loud, you just turn it down.” Mr. Haney, trying to sell “the world’s first transistor necktie” to Oliver.

Killer quote II: “Arnold don’t like it.” Mrs. Ziffel, talking about the fake tree (complete with spruce juice) that Mr. Ziffel is putting up. Poor little Arnold has never seen a real tree.

Ebenezer alert: Generally, it’s Oliver. But in this episode, he’s the one who seems to be the good guy, lobbying for an old fashioned Christmas in a world gone fake. So in lieu of Oliver, I’ll nominate Mrs. Douglas’ fruit cake. It’s mean. It’s lethal. And it manages to drive off the entire crowd gathered at the Douglas place.

Childhood memory: This was one of my favorites as a kid, right up there with Gilligan’s Island and the Beverly Hillbillies. I don’t recall this episode, but I’ve been a lifelong fan of Arnold Ziffel and will never understand why he doesn’t get the recognition that is his due. I’ve now chewed through a bunch of these sitcoms that I’m sure I’ve seen before but don’t recall, and I remember how I was amazed at my father watching shows when we were kids and claiming he couldn’t remember how they ended. I had every sitcom committed to memory. How could Pops not remember all the details of the Three Stooges short we were watching? But I guess I didn’t realize at the time how much a few decades can destroy the truly important things in your memory — like story lines to holiday sitcoms.

Sitcom Christmas Index

Sitcom: Beverly Hillbillies

Episode: Home for Christmas

Year: 1962

Story line: The Clampetts fly home for Christmas.

Details: Tivo finally pulled in the one I was after originally. Good metadata. Good. And overall, this was a good episode, particularly for the completely corny black-and-white glory that was the early Hillbillies. The entire plane scene, where the Hillbillies think they’re on some sort of fancy bus, is a sad look back at the regal experience air travel used to be. Those days are long gone. Also, this episode features Jethrine, Jethro’s sister (really just Jethro in drag … you gotta see it to believe it). Basically, the Clampetts survive their flight and return home, where Jethro’s mom, Aunt Pearl, is trying to woo the oil company executive, Mr. Brewster. Shiftless Homer Winch is trying to woo Aunt Pearl and Granny. A lascivious Miss Jane warns the flight attendants away from Jethro. And all works out in the end. Well, doggies. That’s slicker ‘en possum shit.

Nipple ripple: No exposure. But damn. Donna Douglas was one fine Hillbilly. She can swim in my cement pond and play with my critters anytime.

Killer quote: “Wew doggies. This is a fancy bus.” Jed as he and the rest of the clan wait to take off in an airplane.

Ebenezer alert: The easy answer here always is Mr. Drysdale, but he’s relatively laid back in this episode. We’ll give him the nod by default, just cause he’s there. Homer Winch is pretty creepy, but he’s not really in Ebenezer mode. He’s just chasing old ladies.

Childhood memory: I was a Hillbillies junky as a kid, watching them mostly in reruns. My father often referred to me as Jethro, and I still identify strongly with Jethro’s mathematical prowess: “One times naught is naught … two times naught is naught … three times naught is naught …”

Sitcom Christmas Index