(with apologies to Thomas Pynchon, Monty Python and the Kenosha Kid)

May there be no masturbators in your stacks
No Trumps in your tulips
No communists in your kitchen, eating your wife’s jam

May the pig hero Plechazunga
Drive off the Norse invaders in your life.

May Slothrop’s holy hardon
Keep you safe from alt-right V2s

May the only tricky Dick you encounter
Come flashing peace signs

May Byron the Bulb burn brightly
Scattering the grand old cockroaches
who have been copulating under your very nose

Brigadier Pudding died for our sins.
Board the Anubis. It’s time.