Tree Party Invite
Knoxville, TN/December 2003

We wish you a meaty Christmas ...

We've dropped a lot of weight in 2003, thanks to the late, great Dr. Atkins. Cows run in terror as we drive by. Pigs howl in indignation. And that's a good thing. Come, witness the leaner, low-carb Bob and Lara this yuletide. We've lost more than 60 pounds betwixt us. That's half a Backstreet Boy, as our friend Wes likes to say. And that means our party will commemorate a carnivorous Christmas. Come join us. It's the event of the season ...

Who: The Benz and Edge's
What: Our 14th annual Christmas tree desecration party, in which assorted stooges put homemade, stupendously cool decorations on our unsuspecting evergreen. We have only one rule: You CAN'T buy the decoration. Also, remember that children and vegetarians are invited to the party. Ornaments should be rated "G" or "PG."
Where: 11517 Hardin Valley Road. I-40 to Pellissippi Parkway (toward Oak Ridge). Take the Hardin Valley Road exit off Pellissippi Parkway. Go left at the light, onto Hardin Valley. Go about 2.4 miles, past the elementary school and Steele Road on the right. Our house is the third driveway on the right after you pass Steele Road. We'll have it lit up, but watch closely. It can be tough to spot
. Map? Lost? Call 691-7731.
Important: We will have valet parking to avoid a repeat of The Stuck in the Mud Incident of 2000. You can either pull into the driveway and your car will be parked, or you can park at Sims store (near the elementary school, right before Steele Road) and you will be driven up to the party.

When: Saturday, Dec. 13 at 7 p.m. Children and vegetarians are welcome.
Why: Why not, wise guy?
How: Make your own decoration. We'll have beer, Spiney's infamous margaritas, non-alcoholic beverages and vats of steaming green chile. Extra beverages and/or food will be welcome but aren't required.